Airing your “baggage”

FullSizeRender 34Everyone has a history of past relationships and issues they have confronted in their lives. How and when you choose to share this information with your partner should be considered. Timing, volume, and frequency with which you share this information is important.

We are all curious to learn about this new person in our life and welcome the chance to learn more about each other. On the other hand, too much information or relentless discussion on this topic can have a negative effect.

Of course discussion of past relationships is influenced by many factors. How significantly did this past history shape the person you are today? Are there ongoing ramifications of this past relationship that you are still dealing with? How do you hope or expect the person receiving this information to react to what you are sharing? Answers to these questions should influence how and when you share your past.

Sometimes it is your date that can be too aggressive with the interrogation of your personal history. It is normal to be curious, but too much too soon is not necessarily best. There is also a downside to withholding information as well, because it may be assumed that you are hiding something and it may cause other issues.

Balance is the key. Make conscious decisions to share. Having an “open book” relationship should be the goal. It is also important to consider the impact of sharing positive aspects of past relationships. It is natural for people hearing about your past lover to compare themself and may develop feelings of inadequacy. When you talk about how financially successful your ex was or how great a cook they were or how great in bed they were you may make your current date feel imperfect.

Just be sensitive to the impact the information you share may have and commit to move forward in your current relationship unburdened by your past.

Mr Big

4 Responses to Airing your “baggage”

  1. Jasmine February 12, 2016 at 8:08 pm #

    Mr Big, you are so correct!! I personally do not want to know details, for me when it is over, its OVER. I do not want to hear about a passed away wife, one can never compete. We should be discussing our relationship, not the past!

  2. Max February 12, 2016 at 9:42 pm #

    Mr Big, are you really big? Just curious… When, where and how much baggage is revealed is a complicated issue. Some people like to know your baggage upfront, other people don’t want to know for a while. I went out with a women who seemed unencumbered, but on our second date, she happened to mention that she was still living with her old boyfriend, but they were no longer a couple (really?). I would have liked to have know that up front, or early on.

  3. Carrie February 13, 2016 at 12:41 am #

    Max, you are too funny! Thank you for your participation! And, even though I do not know for sure…he is probably not that big!

    Carrie

  4. Mr. Big February 13, 2016 at 12:54 am #

    Max and Carrie,
    The title of this post is “airing your baggage” not “airing your package”.
    Mr. Big

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