When I first decided to venture out into the world of dating I had no idea what I wanted in a relationship. I gave more thought to what I was going to wear on the date or where we were dining. Now that I am in this second year of dating, I am definitely more aware the nuances in relationships. But this is not enough for me, I want to know specifics.
A few months ago after exchanging emails, I met Robert for dinner. We thought we had enough in common for a potential connection. Within 15 minutes Robert asked me if I could ever see myself married again or living with someone. I was taken off guard and answered honestly, NO! Robert then proceeded to tell me that he was looking for both. We continued to see each other, knowing that one of our “must haves” was not going to be met. The relationship eventually dwindled down and now we remain friends.
This was an important lesson for me. I since have found my voice, I try ask the significant questions on the first few dates. I have given a lot of thought to my “must haves”, listed and prioritized them. Of course, it is unlikely any date will possess all of your “must haves”… this is why ranking is so crucial.
Please do not interpret this as unfeeling or cold, I am just trying to be realistic. In the above example with Robert, I was very attracted to Robert, but one of the “must haves” could not be met. Compromise is important in any relationship, some things though are not negotiable. As my colleague Mr Big would say, ” a deal breaker”.