Do you have any friends that seem to always like the bad guys/gals? I think this is common in some people throughout their lives. I have one long time friend Lucy that has been plagued with this problem.
Lucy is one of the nicest, most kind hearted people that I know. She is bright, funny and absolutely beautiful. Men have always sought her attention and she has never been alone for any length of time. Lucy has had one long term marriage lasting twenty five years.
Lucy has now been divorced for the past ten years. Although she does not envision herself married again, she states that she would like to have a long term relationship. Lucy has spent the last several years trying out different dating sites, hoping for better results.
Dating and finding suitable partners are not the problem for Lucy. Men seem to love her and latch on immediately. I think Lucy’s real problem is she finds the “suitable”, nice guys rather boring and loses interest quickly. Lucy then starts inventing reasons why the relationship will not work and goes on to “the next”.
To complicate her situation, she seems to seek out “unsuitable” men that challenge her in some way. They might be in a current relationship, not be emotionally available, or too busy with their career or family to develop a relationship. It actually seems that the more issues that this potential mate has, the more attractive Lucy finds him. He becomes a project that she can somehow “fix”, the problem is that we cannot solve others’ issues.
Lucy is not unusual in this way. We are all guilty of wanting something we do not think we can have. We may become so obsessed that we are unable to see the potential relationship right in front of us. Lucy has been addressing her own relationship issues with a counselor and seems to be much more in touch with her choices.