And the check arrives….

IMG_2334This is an awkward topic in most dating relationships. I am not even sure how to approach this in a blog. I have been in relationships that have gone to financial extremes, it is difficult to find a comfortable compromise.

In my second twenty year marriage we kept our finances completely separate, which on the surface seems fair. We both deposited equal amounts into our household account and paid all household bills out of that account.   You may think that this  seems equitable, but it created tensions within the marriage. My ex-husband earned 30 percent more than I did so naturally he had more discretionary income. This became an issue because when we did go out, he would insist on me paying every other time. We would argue and go out less. Vacations were paid for equally, if he had to put gas in my car he would ask for my credit card. Our finances became a divisive element in our relationship. In the twenty five years that we were together I felt with  our financial issues we had more of a business relationship than a partnership and marriage.

So now that I am dating, how do I avoid financial problems that have plagued me in the past?  I have dated men that have paid for almost all the activities and I have dated men that split everything in half. This is probably the main reason that it is crucial in a relationship that both parties have similar financial means. It is not fair for one person to pay everything, I actually know women without means that only date men who are wealthy. I have also known impoverished men that seek out wealthy women. This may work for some singles, but not for me!

In my present relationship we addressed this early on. Even though I would like to be a great communicator, this was not a comfortable topic for me.  I must admit that I like to go out often and to nice places! My significant other’s theory is that whomever asks the other out, pays. At first I was appalled by this idea, but I actually think it makes sense. This way if I want to go out for a great concert or dinner, it is only fair that I foot the bill. When he asks me out, I do not feel compelled to pick up the tab. This seems to work for us…money is no longer an issue.

I remain forever optimistic!

Carrie

2 Responses to And the check arrives….

  1. Bruce March 14, 2016 at 1:24 am #

    I think that neither party should be motivated by what they can materially get out of a relationship. hopefully it is love and companionship that are the main reasons for getting together.
    Bruce

  2. Carrie March 14, 2016 at 1:32 am #

    Dear Bruce,

    So sorry, I am obviously not a great communicator! I do not expect or want a free lunch, I can pay for my own meal. I am more aware of the intent:)

    Carrie

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